I used to think I was a new soul. I don’t believe in reincarnation, except when I do, which then is in a vague, don’t think about the details much, kind of way. I decided on “new soul” because I don’t feel like I’ve been here before. Except I have this thing where I hate my neck being touched. I don’t like necklaces, I can’t … Continue reading My neuralgia has flared up: I’m waiting for locusts.
*Mentions suicide. I’m going to complain about my pain again. [i] It’s not that I think the “out there” behind my computer screen cares in a seriously significant way; it’s that my IRL doesn’t care much at all. The first anniversary of this flare-up/breakdown/test of character I’m failing is approaching fast, and at this point, a lack of understanding is other people’s fault. [ii] And … Continue reading Complain about pain in the rain.
The great thing about lots of physical health issues is that it balances my neuroticism. Balance soothes my OCD. Balance doesn’t soothe my restless legs. The restless leg syndrome (RLS) emerged after I stopped taking benzodiazepines. It’s a not-uncommon problem related to benzos that nobody mentions. Thank God I was just starting in-patient treatment for my eating disorder and wasn’t under any particular stress. The … Continue reading Restless leg syndrome (RLS), or why I started punching my thighs.
When you add chronic pain to mental illness, you get a perfect storm of fuckery. It’s a miserable convergence that’s leaving me not only unmoored but unable to figure out how to fix the situation: I’m distracted by the miseries of pain and pins and needles that rip up my body in greater and lesser degrees daily. Some days I’m almost pain-free. I don’t feel … Continue reading Chronic pain and mental illness.
From Famine to Feast 