I’m not writing much these days beyond keyboard warrior entries on Twitter. A level of rage helps there and depression keeps my angry close to the surface. It’s good that depression combines anger with a diminished ability to control oneself. I enjoy the way I blow up my life when I’m depressed. But I miss writing. I miss having a routine. I miss feeling like … Continue reading Let’s go shopping – fun with depression.
I’ve had four solid panic attacks over the last two weeks. Sometimes, you’ll get a hint of one pending but you can head it off. This was not the case here. They’re all connected to foster parenting, and the fear I’m doing something wrong or have made a mistake. My brain is not a fan of the mistake, and since everything I’m doing right now … Continue reading Tidal panic attacks – they ebb and flow – an off-the-cuff joint.
I hate losing things. Even games, though that’s not what this is about. Perhaps all loss is verboten in my brain? I ordered a few things from Amazon the other day. Evil, I know, but it’s so convenient. Hypocrisy will be the death of us. That, and our tendency towards inertia. But I digress. Among the purchases was a Burt’s Bees Lip Crayon. I’ve started … Continue reading I hate losing things.
I put things off. I put things off and I do it with malice aforethought. I put things off because of my anxiety. Or my PTSD. Or my humanity – I’m never sure about attribution. I get overwhelmed by requirements and obligations external and self-imposed. And when I get overwhelmed, things don’t go well for me. Anxiety rises, panic threatens, and negative coping skills shake … Continue reading Get it done. Or don’t. It’s really your call.
From Famine to Feast. 