I looked at people today, in all kinds of locations. This is not something I normally do. It goes beyond no eye contact which I also find difficult and low-grade loathe. I push making and maintaining eye contact with friends because I recognize that avoiding it causes unconscious messages to be sent. But even with people I know well, I struggle. Strangers? Often, I don’t bother at all… Continue reading I looked at people.
…One would think that being productive would be a good thing. And it was. Initially. I had one piece ready and then two and then three. But, since I keep the finished posts open on my desktop, things started to get crowded. I decided to redo my file organization… Continue reading Too prepared.
I’m trying to become a better person. Part of the reason is to atone. I spent a great many years being not a good person. It’s a feature of eating disorders. They make you selfish and insular and shortsighted. I regret, greatly, a great many of the things I said and did when my eating disorder was at my worst. I would like, very much, to be a better person in the future. So, I decided to actively work on it… Continue reading Trying to be a better person.
If everything was perfect, I’d be okay. My brain would be at ease. I know this, absolutely. I have no evidence to support this belief but it has rattled in my brain forever. If only I was perfect, everything would be fine… Continue reading If everything was perfect.
From Famine to Feast 