I should probably want to quit smoking.
I’m trying to quit smoking.
And by trying, I mean I think about quitting smoking, but I don’t do much beyond cutting back a bit. If it gets uncomfortable, I go back to previously established levels.
A favourite quote of mine is, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”
A good corollary would be, “Nothing changes if you don’t really want change.”…
Continue reading I should probably want to quit smoking.
When we’re dying.
Things sink in at the damndest times.
Thoughts I’ve had for years but haven’t felt in my bones percolate under the surface and then for no apparent reason, pop into my consciousness, but with depth and gut-deep understanding attached. They become more than words I say because I’m supposed to believe them even though large chunks of me don’t.
I love “ah-ha” moments. That point in time when you finally get it…
Continue reading When we’re dying.
An Eating Disorder Journal entry.
I binged and purged last night. It was the fat thoughts. I’ve gained about ten pounds and the weight that is supposed to help me is killing me, or at least that’s what it feels like. Thinner, thinner, thinner is all I think about now. Diet hard, exercise. Forget quitting smoking, forget friends and family. Forget writing, forget recovery, forget life. Forget everything but getting thin, back to bones… Continue reading An Eating Disorder Journal entry.
Dumping old memories
…I’m a fan of being pretentious, at times, so rather than quote Disney, I decided to look up the Latin phrase. Libera. Let it go. I don’t have to hug every bad day close to my chest and take it out periodically to prove that I suffered. Continue reading Dumping old memories
