Tired of looking for the win.
I’m tired of celebrating small achievements. It gets old. It feels pathetic.
I feel pathetic.
Yes, I know I shouldn’t and yes, I know that’s one of the ways depression takes you down but seriously, I’ve started to hate positive self-talk. I’m not interested in telling myself I’m doing well. Because seriously, compared to my former life, my achievement bar is set pretty low. I now give myself props for the smallest of things: You got dressed; good for you. Congrats on washing your face. You brushed your teeth before 2 p.m. – kudos. And look at you, wearing make-up. Good job.
It feels so patronizing and pathetic at times…
Continue reading Tired of looking for the win.
Sometimes I skip a dose.
I take antidepressants three times a day, every day. Twenty milligrams of Trintellix and twenty of Latuda. The latter is a bit of a misery. It locks up the muscles in my face and causes tongue twitches. Really. It’s why I pushed dinner back to eight o’clock. I take the drugs with food, so if I can eat late, I only have to be awake with the side effects for a short while.
Sometimes, I skip a dose… Continue reading Sometimes I skip a dose.
What movies have taught me.
Movies have taught me that I should make sure my shoes are always end of the world appropriate. I don’t want to be stuck fighting aliens or natural disasters in high-heeled boots. Especially since they’d likely be my last pair of shoes…. Continue reading What movies have taught me.
The gap between knowing and feeling.
““As soon as we realize that in this very moment we already have enough, and we already are enough, true happiness becomes possible.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
I read that this morning, after getting up, after getting dressed – no makeup but we do the best we can – putting on some jewellery, eating breakfast, and journaling. And, through it all, I felt like shit. I couldn’t maintain the moment. I was not enough…”
Continue reading The gap between knowing and feeling.
From Famine to Feast 