Too prepared.
…One would think that being productive would be a good thing. And it was. Initially. I had one piece ready and then two and then three. But, since I keep the finished posts open on my desktop, things started to get crowded. I decided to redo my file organization… Continue reading Too prepared.
Trying to be a better person.
I’m trying to become a better person. Part of the reason is to atone. I spent a great many years being not a good person. It’s a feature of eating disorders. They make you selfish and insular and shortsighted. I regret, greatly, a great many of the things I said and did when my eating disorder was at my worst. I would like, very much, to be a better person in the future. So, I decided to actively work on it… Continue reading Trying to be a better person.
If everything was perfect.
If everything was perfect, I’d be okay. My brain would be at ease. I know this, absolutely. I have no evidence to support this belief but it has rattled in my brain forever. If only I was perfect, everything would be fine… Continue reading If everything was perfect.
Distrusting your judgement.
…I like to say I have awful judgement, that I’m a poor judge of character, and that I’m bad at reading signs but that’s just a knee-jerk, self-critical response. The truth is, I’m actually pretty good at it. In retrospect, a lot of my judgements and conclusions and feelings have been accurate. I just don’t listen to them. I ignore what I think, I ignore my gut. Because who am I to have an opinion or feeling about anything that directly affects me? Who am I to say what I think?… Continue reading Distrusting your judgement.
