It’s odd that we have to grieve the loss of lousy things, but no one promised life was logical. Recovery is better than staying sick, and grieving the loss of something you’re desperate to let go of seems a small price to pay.
Letting go of my eating disorder means grieving. It’s a loss. I’m losing my coping mechanism and my support system. I’m cutting out a piece of me, and that’s a wrench, despite it being the right choice.
The excision will leave a hole, and I need to fill it. Whatever I choose has to feel more important than the eating disorder, a solid challenge.
The eating disorder was my world, it’s lies and promises of perfection my everything. That’s hard for crochet to live up to.
(November 5, 2017. Revised July 2021.)
3 thoughts on “Grief.”
Life is definitely not logical.
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Em!! How the hell are you? I’ve been MIA, writing-wise. It’s weird. My sister put me in contact with a guy – Mike Robinson – who is a big deal in the CANNABIS world. He expressed that he had a need for some graphic support. My sister, knowing I am extremely proficient in Adobe Creative Suite and was a Marketing Publications Designer before I retired, arranged a virtual meet/greet. I am thrilled to say I am volunteering my services and I’m working every day. (GenevievesDream.com and MikesMedicines.com , CarouselChallenge.com ). I’m having the time of my life using only my own guidelines. EXTREMELY rewarding.
It’s just the “setting limits” thing. I can’t do it.
I’ve been designing for Mike for two months, and I’ve turned it into a full-time volunteer job. I feel the need to act on every idea. Once I start creating, time stops. I’m in a warm nest, selecting typography and white space; choosing images and colors. I just can’t stop. And it’s kept me from my blogging, which really keeps me even-tempered and upbeat. I guess I’m addicted to that feeling that comes with a really good design. Looking at a finished image – once I’m really finished – that is primo life, ladies and gentlemen. Nothing like it.
And this “job” never runs out of needs. I can work as much as I want. And as I mentioned earlier, I have complete creative autonomy. Very liberating. But what the hell???
I’m addicted to Photoshop, and designing. So much so, that I am not writing.
I hope you are well. Drop me a line when you can. Thinking of you! ❤️
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That’s amazing. It’s wonderful to find “work” that is something you love. And, I get it. Boundaries are hard. And sometimes, we don’t want to put them up. I’m glad to hear from you, and I will. Be easy. ☺️