because i am a girl

the simple becomes complex and fraught.

not the science

though many would suggest it is beyond my grasp;

not the philosophy

which is embedded in the female mind

through chick lit and magazines

early on;

certainly not the math

because although

the unthinking educators and toy makers

like to believe that the concepts therein

are too difficult for the fragile

female psyche to embrace

the truth is that we are,

as a species,

indoctrinated in numbers from early on,

in measurements and shapes,

in the geometry of the body,

and the math of nutrients in and energy out.

we are masters of physics and biology,

steeped in nutrition and kinetics.

not the commerce either;

the ability to spend and budget and balance

is a societal requirement.

girls are taught to see it and want it,

to need it and consume it

before we have the words

to ask.

but the simple, that’s beyond my grasp.

the basic needs,

to rest,

to eat,

to shelter,

to connect,

are corrupted.

my appetites and desires

long ago lost touch with reality.

eating has little to do with hunger,

it’s calculating input and output,

correlated with the size of the jeans.

i don’t move to feel the joy of a body in motion

but so inappropriate bits won’t jiggle when i walk,

and fatigue is simply a function of

the not eating and the too much moving

and the too many hours working

to buy the things i don’t need

but must have

in order to be alright,

since all too often

being female puts you already in the wrong.

it’s not simple

and my brain gets tired

and the effort to exist beyond the narrow world

assigned to me

is excruciating

and so i seem shallow and venal,

incapable of deep philosophical yearnings and thoughts,

but the reality is

it’s an effort to fight against the tide.

it’s tiring

when the simple is

always and forever

complex.