Depression has me in a “fuck it” state of mind.

I’m having a bad day and it’s only seven thirty in the morning. Everyone gets bad days, I know, but it’s problematic when the bad days pile one on top of the other even when there’s nothing wrong. Especially when nothing’s wrong. You look at your life and point out all the positives and the only internal response is “so what, who cares, why bother?”

Femininity means what to me, exactly?

When I gain weight, a part of recovering from my eating disorder I find difficult, it hits the female body parts first. My breasts and hips and thighs show the weight gain before it appears anywhere else. My body type is on the curvy side and I’ve always hated that fact. Bones and angles have long been my goal. Nothing feminine to see here folks, so move along. I doctor years ago suggested that for some, an eating disorder is a rejection of being female. I mocked his assertion but now I’m not so sure...

An Eating Disorder Journal entry.

I binged and purged last night. It was the fat thoughts. I’ve gained about ten pounds and the weight that is supposed to help me is killing me, or at least that’s what it feels like. Thinner, thinner, thinner is all I think about now. Diet hard, exercise. Forget quitting smoking, forget friends and family. Forget writing, forget recovery, forget life. Forget everything but getting thin, back to bones...

Sunshine Blogging Award Nomination

The universe gives you what you need, some of the time. I was having a very anxious day yesterday and decided to log onto WordPress to catch up on people’s posts. Waiting for me was a message, and what a lovely one it was. I would like to thank Jill for the nomination for the Sunshine Blogging Award. It’s such a pleasure, knowing that people read the things I write, and enjoy them, and maybe get something from them. I love the feeling of connection blogging gives me, the feeling that I’m a member of a community.

Running away from home

I’m running away from home at the end of the week. That’s sounds very dramatic. The “running” will actually take place on an airplane; I’m headed to Mexico for a week at an all-inclusive. My credit card company is pleased with my impulsive decision. I’m grateful for the credit limit that allowed me to make the purchase. I’m not so thrilled with the idea of paying it off for the next year, but needs must...