Peanut butter and banana sandwiches

"I eat a lot of peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Nearly every day for lunch, in fact, and that bothers me some. I worry over whether it’s compulsive. Eating’s difficult when you’re recovering from an eating disorder. It’s not easy or natural for me yet. Preparing and eating a meal at mealtime takes thought. Not restricting is a challenge – if a bagel would be good, perhaps half a bagel with no butter would be better. I have those conversations with my food choices quite regularly..."

who am I? – existential angst.

"I don’t find it surprising that I suffer from existential crises. I find it surprising there are people who don’t. I envy them their contentment, their unquestioning approach to life, their ability to put aside the big questions that plague me, the “who am I and why am I here and what is the purpose of my existence” questions that have always been a part of my existence..."

it’s a hard time of year

"...I’m not ready to change, my eating disorder tells me. I’m not perfect yet. My depression concurs since it’s decided to act up too, and where my depression goes, my anxiety follows. So, basically, I’m a big ball of triggered with the potential for some self-harm thrown in. December is hard..."