recovery and growth, things that interest me, occasional deep-thoughts, and semi-regular poetry
I have some resentments. Some are old ones I take out and air periodically and some are new, a result of day to day living. I don’t like having them. Resenting things makes me feel small and petty and with the old ones, vindictive; when I revisit them, I often wish ill upon the targets of my ire. I don’t like having bad feelings. Their emergence, however, is an inevitable consequence of life. How we deal with them is where the work needs to happen...
...Why some people believe the things they do has always been a mystery to me, but the article got me thinking: why do I believe the things I believe? The answer turns out to be, because it suits me to. My beliefs comfort me, whether or not they are accurate. Unfortunately, my beliefs don’t always serve me well. We all like to think we think the best thoughts. We all think our points of view are the best and most correct. Unfortunately, we can’t all be right. It’s a frustration, but it’s true...
I used to ask, “why me?” frequently. It seemed to me my lot in life was unfair. It seemed the amount of suffering I endured was disproportionately harsh compared to my peers. Of course, I didn’t stop to think that compared to others in this world, my life was relatively easy and trouble-free. Still, where we live is our reality; comparisons are pointless. So is asking “why me?”
Sometimes, days are hard. I thought that would change once I was an adult. I expected that at some point a magic switch would get thrown, my thinking would straighten out, my brain would work properly, I’d always know the right thing to do, and I’d feel good about myself. It was a shock to realize that wasn’t going to be the case. It was a shock to realize that your brain remains the same...
"I’m trying to complain less, especially about the small things. Those mundane little annoyances that beset everyone and send me into over-the-top over-reactions all too often. I failed in my resolve yesterday when I engaged in a rather spectacular, internal whine-fest upon realizing I had to water my plants again, a small and simple task to be sure..."
