Recovery and growth, things that interest me, occasional deep-thoughts, and random poetry.
I’m feeling dark. I used up too many spoons yesterday, a potentially fatal mistake when you’re deep in depression’s grip. It was my son’s twentieth birthday, however, and there was up to be gotten, preparations to be made, food to be cooked, and people to be interacted with. For hours...
Advice is a tricky thing. If you think advice is wonderful, consider how you react when you get it, especially the unsolicited kind. We are all better givers than receivers in this regard...
What is it about years that end in the number nine? Why are they such a big deal? We get excited when the calendar clocks over to zero yet, realistically, it’s much ado about nothing. Whatever meaning we’ve assigned is absolutely arbitrary. The years we count are just a convenient construct and don’t actually measure anything in a significant or particularly relevant way. They’re not even globally consistent...
We don’t experience silence very often. It’s problematic. We are bombarded by noise of various types everywhere, almost all the time. We don’t really think about it anymore. It just is. And, unless you happen to be sitting on a deserted beach or in a distant forest meadow, much of it is unpleasant...
I’m compulsive at times. I have compulsive thoughts; I sometimes engage in compulsive actions. It’s a function of my anxiety and it’s been a problem for decades. The word “compulsive” echoes in my brain when I fall into the behaviour, not so much definitional or descriptive but accusatory and judgmental...
Do you want success? Do I? You’d expect the answer to be “of course” but I’m not entirely sure. That’s not to say I don’t have fantasies of developing a following in the millions, winning an award (an Oscar would be nice, despite the fact that I’m not involved in the entertainment industry), or becoming very rich. But I do little in the way of pursuing actions that would support those outcomes. I’m not pushing for any of those things. I guess the answer to the question is, it depends. Whether or not I want it, and whether or not I feel I’ve achieved it depends on the definition you use...
I’ve not been a crafty person. I used to wish I was but unfortunately, I’m not good at the things I’ve tried. Not instantly good at them, at any rate, and that’s something I expect. Demand, even. If it’s not perfect, it’s crap or something like that...
