"I’ve been having conversations with my eating disorder. They haven’t been great ones – I’ve not been enjoying them. This is mostly because my eating disorder is not a great conversationalist. She doesn’t dialogue well; she’s rude, aggressive, intolerant, and kind of mean. She's up in arms because I haven’t been exercising. I’ve done nothing for five days..."
"i can’t think clearly over the pain.
it occurred to me that i’ve been in this situation before. metaphorically as well as actually. i often have trouble thinking over the pain. after all, isn’t that really what my mood-altering behaviours are designed to do? they help me escape from the pain that i can’t function my way through."
"i lost another tooth this week, and by “lost” i mean the dentist took it out and threw it away. there was too much eating disorder damage to repair."
"it has been four months since i last threw up. this is something of a miracle. i haven’t gone that long without purging since my twenties, more than twenty-five years ago."
i spent the morning having dental molds of my teeth made, so my dentist could make a model of my mouth and we could start putting together a plan to replace the eight teeth i’ve had to have removed, and crown the ones that they were able to save with root canals. just one of the unintended and expensive side-effects an eating disorder brings to the table.