My family doesn’t talk about important personal stuff. We’ll get into the nitty-gritty when it’s politics or important global issues – we tend to skew liberal, except for that ugly period when my father was listening to Rush Limbaugh. We had an intervention. We even talk about money, uni-directionally. My father regularly wants to know “how’s your debt, do you need any cash?” I mostly … Continue reading We don’t talk about Bruno in my family either.
First trigger warning. This post is going to discuss suicide attempts and PTSD. I went shopping with a friend last Friday. We hit the mall and Costco, starting with lunch out. I spent too much, which I tend to do when I’m with her. Competition and compensation hurt the bank balance. On the bright side, it’s Visa’s money. Plus, there was a sale on … Continue reading I don’t work for other people anymore.
*There are some references to suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts. Check your mental state before you continue.* I made my father feel awful the other day. To be fair, I’ve asked for space. Repeatedly. From more than one parent. I’ve even said, explicitly, that it’s because I get mean when I’m triggered like this. I’m thin-skinned, reactive, and aim the knife well. This would be … Continue reading The inside voices.
I think about death sometimes. I think about being not dead and what that means. I think about all the time I spent, passively and actively trying to get dead. I think about death less than I used to but perhaps more than many other people. At least I suspect I do. When you dance on the line between life and not-life, when you flirt … Continue reading Thinking about death: thoughts on life.