"I’m not going to attend a memorial today. There are reasons I should. It’s for an old friend of the family. It's being held at my parents’ home. Attending memorials when asked is something you’re supposed to do. Except I don’t want to go. I have no concrete reason beyond that, no well-articulated argument to justify my absence. I simply lack the desire to attend..."
"a quote from a geneen roth book popped into my head yesterday. it goes something like this: “i had given my body what it was asking for and it felt good. it thanked me.” the quote is about eating, which for far too many of us is not a simple thing to do."
"...if i couldn’t fix myself, then i would alter my world so at least home would be less problematic. life happens though, and now the design is in flux. chaos has moved into my sanctuary. life showed up..."
"i’ve tried to kill myself three times, most recently in november of 2014.
it is a bizarre thing to able to write that about yourself. it’s a strange thing to know about yourself, to know that you are capable of taking such drastic action. there was a point in my life, long past now..."
"most of the time, “constancy” is seen as a good thing. a dependable anxiety disorder, however, is not really anyone’s dream."