I’m folding a couple of the T-shirts that haven’t yet been demoted to dryer status when all of a sudden, I’m thinking about my son’s father’s reaction when I told him I was pregnant. We limped along for another two and a half years, but he never quite forgave me. [i] That isn’t what I’m thinking about, however. I’m thinking about the day he came … Continue reading Memories are the darndest thing.
I’m a cow. I’m not saying I’m fat – the illness that came on a few weeks back has put any thoughts of surplus flesh to rest. I haven’t been this continuously nauseous since pregnancy and my son is in his twenties. I’m a cow because I ruminate. I obsess over the thoughts that pop into my head without so much as a by-you-leave. They’re … Continue reading Don’t stay tethered to a past that’s gone.
I’m good at avoidance. I should be – I’ve had a lifetime of practice. What’s an eating disorder if not an attempt to escape from an unpalatable reality? Are there palatable realities? I’m starting to doubt it. My reality has been unpleasant of late. Unpleasant and challenging. It’s been a year. A year of surgeries, cancers, near-death experiences, hospital stays, and mental and emotional angst. … Continue reading I think well when I putter.
Abstinence isn’t recovery, but you can’t have recovery without abstinence. Just another one of life’s bureaucratic annoyances. If you spend time in treatment for addiction in one of its various forms, you’ll encounter the term “dry drunk.” That phrase describes someone who isn’t acting on their addiction, but who also isn’t recovering. They’re white-knuckling their way through and because of that, they’ll stumble. [i] You … Continue reading Abstinence isn’t recovery and other annoying truths.
From Famine to Feast 