The new year is coming. If ever one was welcome, it’s this one. Time then for resolutions. Except, I don’t make them. I prefer to set an annual theme instead. That’s not to say my brain doesn’t nag me about behaviours I need to change. But themes allow me flexibility; the rigidity of lists can …
Continue reading Not, “the Year of Happiness”: Looking Outward Instead.
The fridge is bursting. There’s too much food in the house. Definitely a problem of privilege. I’m aware of that, yet my problems are my problems, real and difficult for me; other people’s different problems don’t negate my reality. I’ve had this issue before. I don’t do it to myself – I’m careful about the …
...It is shocking to me how much time not participating in my eating disorder takes up. How much specific and cognitive work goes into the process. I spend a lot of time having conversations with myself...
Sometimes, I think if I take off the reins, the urge to eat will take over my world. I know where it comes from and what drives it, this feeling that I can’t ever consume enough. This feeling that if I start, I’ll never stop. It’s from the eating disorder, from a lifetime of restriction and deprivation. You can’t undo what’s been done. I can’t go back in time and eat the food now I didn’t eat then. But I worry that without the restrictions I still have in place, I’ll try...
