The new year is coming. If ever one was welcome, it’s this one. Time then for resolutions. Except, I don’t make them. I prefer to set an annual theme instead. That’s not to say my brain doesn’t nag me about behaviours I need to change. But themes allow me flexibility; the rigidity of lists can …
Continue reading Not, “the Year of Happiness”: Looking Outward Instead.
The fridge is bursting. There’s too much food in the house. Definitely a problem of privilege. I’m aware of that, yet my problems are my problems, real and difficult for me; other people’s different problems don’t negate my reality. I’ve had this issue before. I don’t do it to myself – I’m careful about the …
...It is shocking to me how much time not participating in my eating disorder takes up. How much specific and cognitive work goes into the process. I spend a lot of time having conversations with myself...
Sometimes, I think if I take off the reins, the urge to eat will take over my world. I know where it comes from and what drives it, this feeling that I can’t ever consume enough. This feeling that if I start, I’ll never stop. It’s from the eating disorder, from a lifetime of restriction and deprivation. You can’t undo what’s been done. I can’t go back in time and eat the food now I didn’t eat then. But I worry that without the restrictions I still have in place, I’ll try...
Step one is sobriety. It doesn’t really matter what you’re recovering from. That’s the first step. Sober thoughts and sober acts. Walk the sober walk. Getting sober is hard. It doesn’t matter what your drug of choice is. Alcohol, pills, food, whatever. It’s hard to step away from the substance you abuse, even though, by the time you decide to do so, you’ve recognized that it’s harming you. Even though by the time you’re ready to step away, you’ve already moved to hell and have taken up residence there...
