My 21-month old grandson punched me in the face last night. It was not an accident – he was extremely angry with me. I was being unreasonable; I wouldn’t let him pull a thirty-pound picture down from the wall onto his head. He wanted to undertake this course of action very much and his frustration over my refusal was expressed by violence. In return, he was placed on the floor and admonished, yet again, “We don’t hit. We like gentle hands.”… Continue reading We don’t hit.
I’m frightened of fear. I’m terrified of being afraid. Fear is one of the big eating disorder drivers. Fear of getting fat. Fear of being insufficient. Fear of not being enough. Fear of failing at my eating disorder and feeling all those fears. Fears that were unexamined and unrealistic… Continue reading Frightened of fear.
I have trouble with my thoughts. I don’t like a lot of them. They’re harsh, critical, and disturbing. They make me feel bad; they make me afraid.
Except they don’t.
I’ve realized that I have it backwards. It’s the feelings that come first. Feelings rise up and inspire the thoughts which then the amplify the problematic feelings, creating more problematic thoughts, and so on.
It’s a vicious cycle…
Continue reading Feelings come first.
“behind the enforced busy work,
so necessary to keep the disquiet of an unfulfilled life at bay;
beyond the many and minute tasks,
the mundane repetitions that if necessary
can fill every waking hour and minute,
there is, bubbling up from underneath;
the knowledge that there could be more…”
Continue reading putterings
From Famine to Feast. 