My life feels odd. I’m adrift mentally and emotionally. I’m still bleeding from a multiplicity of wounds received in rapid succession. Things have calmed enough now to feel and attend to them. My brain is also starting to calm. My thinking brain is turning back on. Things don’t go well for me when reactivity is driving the bus. I don’t have much in the way … Continue reading puttering.
*There are some references to suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts. Check your mental state before you continue.* I made my father feel awful the other day. To be fair, I’ve asked for space. Repeatedly. From more than one parent. I’ve even said, explicitly, that it’s because I get mean when I’m triggered like this. I’m thin-skinned, reactive, and aim the knife well. This would be … Continue reading The inside voices.
My dad didn’t die on my birthday. I’m glad. It’s selfish, I know, but I didn’t want those two things tied forever in my memory. He wasn’t dead yesterday; I don’t know how things are going to go today. I love swimming. I love being in the water. As I child, I wanted a pool more than anything and I thought my parents were selfish … Continue reading When your parents are dying.
From Famine to Feast 