TW: frank talk about mental illness, cutting, blood Body dysmorphia My obsession with my appearance began young, but self-mutilation only started in my twenties. It was tied to my eating disorder – cutting and picking at my face were part of my bulimic process – but it’s also an entity of its own and hasn’t stopped with my eating disorder recovery, though it’s significantly less … Continue reading Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
Some pathologies stump your growth – literal and/or metaphoric. Eating disorders are in that category. Eating disorders quickly become your everything. Other affections, beliefs, or values become subordinate to the demands it makes. I was a vegetarian on principle – I hate factory farms – except when I binged. I believed in feminism, except when it got in the way of my need to be … Continue reading Who are you and how do you want to spend your one, precious life.
My family doesn’t talk about important personal stuff. We’ll get into the nitty-gritty when it’s politics or important global issues – we tend to skew liberal, except for that ugly period when my father was listening to Rush Limbaugh. We had an intervention. We even talk about money, uni-directionally. My father regularly wants to know “how’s your debt, do you need any cash?” I mostly … Continue reading We don’t talk about Bruno in my family either.
Eating disorders have one goal, and it’s not to get you thin. An eating disorder is trying to get you dead. There is no weight, no body shape, and no silhouette that is acceptable. The goals constantly shift. Additionally, recovery requires that you still engage with all the things that are problematic, and that are killing you. You cannot give up eating. You cannot give … Continue reading Eating disorder recovery is a bitch.
From Famine to Feast 