I don’t experience the absence of hope as despair. At least not right away. I’ve experienced the absence of hope before. It dribbles away, piece by piece as depression moves into ascendancy. Hope vanishes as you sink, inversely proportionate to how much you need it. You aren’t despairing yet, however. Before despair moves in, there’s emptiness. In ways, I prefer despair. At least it’s something. … Continue reading The absence of hope is not yet despair.

This is not the post that was going to be up today, which from my current perspective, is tomorrow. I have one about antibiotics ready to go but the day started hard and got worse since then, a consequence of talking to my psychiatrist. There was nothing particularly dire about the conversation, it’s just that I often get a mood drop after talking to my … Continue reading Depression, yada yada yada.

A few years back, a close friend slid all the way into menopause and started having hot flashes. Being a forty-something woman, I was aware of their existence but she was my first experience in the flesh, so to speak. My mother never experienced them. Menstruation stopped and that was pretty much it for her. Tabitha’s reality was different. Menopause was a problem, especially the … Continue reading The horror of hot flashes.

The same old refrain and I’m tired of hearing it, tired of repeating it, discussing it, hugging it tight, loving it to let it go, dealing with inner demons, blaming the media. It’s the flesh. It’s always the flesh. Moods come and go and some days I can leave the house. Past traumas come to visit and overstay their welcome. All of it fluxing except … Continue reading The same old refrain.