A shocking relief.

I’ve spent an enormous amount of time and energy trying to control life. Trying to be perfect because perfect meant control and control meant safe and the lack thereof meant terrifying and unimaginable chaos during which it would be revealed that I was a horrifyingly awful specimen of humanity. Since this was not a revelation …

Continue reading A shocking relief.

Tetchy and out of sorts.

The world would be a much easier place if everyone did things my way. Then I wouldn’t get frustrated, out of sorts, and irritated. It is, of course, everyone else’s fault. The people in my life, especially the ones I live with, commit egregious sins constantly. I’m pretty sure they do it on purpose, intent on destroying my calm and wrecking my day. The litany of complaints I have is exhaustive...

Am I in control of my goals?

"“It doesn’t matter what the external things is, the value we place on it subjugates us to another…where our heart is set, there our impediment lies.” - Epictetus “When it comes to your goals and the things you strive for, ask yourself: Am I in control of them or they in control of me?” I have a journal with writing prompts that I try to get to every day. It’s not to be confused with my regular journal, or the gratitude journal that sits beside my bed. In my quest for mental stability and calmness, I do a lot of writing..."

coffee and control

"It’s a new year and time for new resolutions. luckily, I didn’t make any; still, those niggling and imperfect behaviours I usually resolve to change are on my mind. Like my caffeine and nicotine use. I didn’t make a new year’s resolution to cut back, but possibly reducing my consumption is something I think about quite often. Instead, it’s the new year and the number of cups I quaff is up, and the smoking is escalating..."