Change is a process; it's not "one and done".

I can’t remember what it’s like to live without constantly and compulsively self-checking and measuring. It’s an aspect of eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder and I rang the bell on both of those. Non-eating disordered people do it as well, of course. But for them, mostly, it isn’t as frequent or as intensive, the …

Continue reading Change is a process; it's not "one and done".

My recovery reflection.

I can’t see myself properly. It’s frustrating as hell. I distort what I see when I look at myself in mirrors and reflective surfaces. This is unfortunate; I look at my reflection a lot. I need to because when I haven’t seen myself in a while – and “a while” can mean anything from seconds to hours – the image in my head starts to distort. I no longer know what I look like. I lose any sense of my appearance. I start to feel strange, warped, and abnormal. In my head, my self-image becomes almost cubist. It’s a very strange thing. I need to see myself in a mirror to reassure myself that I’m not really a freak...