An eating disorder is a structure.

An eating disorder is a destructive thing but also helpful in an odd, dysfunctional way. It acts as a kind of support structure. It’s scaffolding. It’s the glue that holds everything together when the emotions seem too difficult to manage. It locks up the pain, the misery, the anxiety, the inferiority complex, the self-hatred and all the neuroses and keeps them barricaded away so you don’t have to deal with bad feelings… Continue reading An eating disorder is a structure.

My mantras for hard days.

Ever have someone ask you about your personal philosophy? Ever get asked about mantras? I do. People seemed to think that because I suffer from mental illness, I must have lots of inspirational soundbites banging about in my brain. Perhaps they think the mentally ill are closer to the divine? Regardless of their expectation, for years I had no philosophy and the only mantras I practiced were various prayers to try and get me through the day without bingeing and purging and without trying to harm myself. They weren’t very effective… Continue reading My mantras for hard days.