I don’t know what people are talking about when they say they need to “get in touch with themselves”. Who is the “self” they’re seeking to contact? They must be far more cohesive than I; I have a multitude of selves and all of them want to drive the bus… Continue reading Who’s driving the bus?
I talk quickly. I trip over my tongue quite regularly to the amusement of my nearest and dearest. I interrupt – I’m working on it. There are so many things to say!
I walk quickly. This is unfortunate considering my innate clumsiness. I’m often a mess of bruises. The clumsiness may be a function of my absent-mindedness. My thoughts are often not on what I’m doing. They’re turned inward instead, headed down dark and difficult paths.
I think quickly at times and this can have unfortunate consequences. “Quick” in this case is not referring to a processing speed. It’s more of a racing thoughts kind of thing. I’ve found there’s a fine line between quick and driven; too often I’m on the wrong side of it…
Continue reading It’s hard to do slow.
I’m frightened of fear. I’m terrified of being afraid. Fear is one of the big eating disorder drivers. Fear of getting fat. Fear of being insufficient. Fear of not being enough. Fear of failing at my eating disorder and feeling all those fears. Fears that were unexamined and unrealistic… Continue reading Frightened of fear.
I’m tired of celebrating small achievements. It gets old. It feels pathetic.
I feel pathetic.
Yes, I know I shouldn’t and yes, I know that’s one of the ways depression takes you down but seriously, I’ve started to hate positive self-talk. I’m not interested in telling myself I’m doing well. Because seriously, compared to my former life, my achievement bar is set pretty low. I now give myself props for the smallest of things: You got dressed; good for you. Congrats on washing your face. You brushed your teeth before 2 p.m. – kudos. And look at you, wearing make-up. Good job.
It feels so patronizing and pathetic at times…
Continue reading Tired of looking for the win.
From Famine to Feast 