Posts about, among other things, mental illness, mental health, and recovery.
I don’t know what people are talking about when they say they need to “get in touch with themselves”. Who is the “self” they’re seeking to contact? They must be far more cohesive than I; I have a multitude of selves and all of them want to drive the bus… Continue reading Who’s driving the bus?
I talk quickly. I trip over my tongue quite regularly to the amusement of my nearest and dearest. I interrupt – I’m working on it. There are so many things to say!
I walk quickly. This is unfortunate considering my innate clumsiness. I’m often a mess of bruises. The clumsiness may be a function of my absent-mindedness. My thoughts are often not on what I’m doing. They’re turned inward instead, headed down dark and difficult paths.
I think quickly at times and this can have unfortunate consequences. “Quick” in this case is not referring to a processing speed. It’s more of a racing thoughts kind of thing. I’ve found there’s a fine line between quick and driven; too often I’m on the wrong side of it…
Continue reading It’s hard to do slow.
I was thinking about uploading to Google Docs a draft of a book I wrote with an eye to asking someone to take a look at it. I know Google is an easy way to share documents. That is, I sort of know it. I’ve edited documents other people have posted and sent me invitations too, mostly works that I had published and needed to have a final look at. I’ve not, however, set up a document myself and I’m a bit nervous. It occurs to me that hesitation and trepidation are a big change to my historical behaviours… Continue reading I was “better” when I threw up.
I’m frightened of fear. I’m terrified of being afraid. Fear is one of the big eating disorder drivers. Fear of getting fat. Fear of being insufficient. Fear of not being enough. Fear of failing at my eating disorder and feeling all those fears. Fears that were unexamined and unrealistic… Continue reading Frightened of fear.
