When we’re dying.

Things sink in at the damndest times.

Thoughts I’ve had for years but haven’t felt in my bones percolate under the surface and then for no apparent reason, pop into my consciousness, but with depth and gut-deep understanding attached. They become more than words I say because I’m supposed to believe them even though large chunks of me don’t.

I love “ah-ha” moments. That point in time when you finally get it…
Continue reading When we’re dying.

An Eating Disorder Journal entry.

I binged and purged last night. It was the fat thoughts. I’ve gained about ten pounds and the weight that is supposed to help me is killing me, or at least that’s what it feels like. Thinner, thinner, thinner is all I think about now. Diet hard, exercise. Forget quitting smoking, forget friends and family. Forget writing, forget recovery, forget life. Forget everything but getting thin, back to bones… Continue reading An Eating Disorder Journal entry.

Saying “I love you” to myself.

I recently reread Cheryl Richardson’s “The Art of Extreme Selfcare”. I bought it a couple of years ago and read it cover to cover at the time. I took notes, highlighted important passages, and implemented nothing. Change, even positive change, is challenging and can be difficult to implement. We cling to our default settings with our dying grasp, even when they’re harmful. I’ve been dissatisfied … Continue reading Saying “I love you” to myself.