It’s hard to be yourself; it’s hard to not care.

“Be yourself. People don’t have to like you and you don’t have to care.” – A random and anonymous quote I stumbled across recently on social media. This is great advice. There are two problems with it. We don’t always know who we are, and we absolutely care what other people think a great deal…… Continue reading It’s hard to be yourself; it’s hard to not care.

Unclench your hands.

I’ve been having trouble meditating of late. I have a serious case of monkey brain and can’t seem to stop following trains of thought. The state of the world. Climate change. Politics. My kids. My parents. The oft-annoying cat. My depression. My self-harm. Last week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Did I remember to add bleach to the grocery list? My thoughts bounce like balls in my head…

A bit like a meat puppet.

Depression makes me feel a bit like a meat puppet. That’s a graphic description perhaps, but not an inaccurate expression of my current state.

Depression leaves me here but not here; I am a body I haul around and put through the motions, a marionette, a pantomime puppet who is not a real girl. I walk and talk but the disconnect is huge; I feign emotions and connection but it’s an empty act. Depression makes everything unreal, distant…