I have a potluck lunch today at noon and I’m so anxious about the whole thing I’m having trouble breathing. Shallow breathing and anxious feelings are stepping stones on the path to panic attacks, so this is not a good thing...
"because i am a girl
the simple becomes complex and fraught.
not the science
though many would suggest it is beyond my grasp;
not the philosophy
which is embedded in the female mind
through chick lit and magazines
"i used to have poetry, before my mind broke,
shattering into some hundred-million glittering shards,
and when it fractured, i think the words went with it.
"...if i couldn’t fix myself, then i would alter my world so at least home would be less problematic. life happens though, and now the design is in flux. chaos has moved into my sanctuary. life showed up..."
" “it’s hard to fix it when you break into a million pieces. sometimes, i almost feel like the self i was ‘once upon a time’; other times, i feel like i’ll never be whole again.” i wrote this down on my notepad when i thought it; it felt deep. “once upon a time” is back before my breakdown; before my depression, anxiety, and other issues got the best of me and left me shattered.
sometimes, when i have thoughts like these, it causes me distress. other times, i think wow, am i ever being maudlin and overly dramatic. yes, my breakdown was a big deal but i don’t need to keep it fresh. it’s okay to let it go. it’s okay to get better."