"I’ve been trying something new with my meditation, now that I’m back to doing it semi-regularly. I’ve been meditating with my eyes open. It’s an odd experience. It makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like it; generally speaking, vulnerability is not something I do well..."
"I picked up a copy of Shonda Rhimes’ "The Year of Yes" about six months ago but instead of reading it, I stored it on a shelf in my closet. I’d wanted to read it since I’d first heard her speak about it. Unfortunately, my procrastination gene is strong..."
"I had a shower today and it felt pretty good. I’d forgotten I like them; it’s been six days since I showered, a fact I attribute to my obvious laziness. I’m incredibly lazy at times, especially of late."
"Eating disorders are hell and they are full-time. They don’t take days off. They don’t give you a break. They’re always there, lurking, talking to you, telling you how awful you are, how much of a failure. How you have nothing to offer because you aren’t perfect yet. You aren’t thin enough..."
"If you don’t have an eating disorder that requires you to throw up the foods you eat, either regular meals that end badly or binges, you may not understand the thrill that comes from being able to abstain from doing so for protracted periods..."
"i used to be a can-do multi-tasker. i could juggle jobs like nobody’s business. i was the girl you gave extra work to if you needed it done, especially if the timeline was sooner rather than later."
"we all want to be seen. we all want to be validated. why is it so hard?
sometimes the problem is us. in my life, often it’s me. i want to be known and heard, but it’s hard to share the truth of my reality. i dole out bits and pieces of myself, sharing a portion of this and a smidgen of that, but i’m never fully exposed. i keep many of the dark bits hidden inside. i remain convinced that the reality of me is unhandleable and unsupportable."