revenge fantasies

“My brain likes to go walkabout occasionally, without even a “by your leave”. I’ll be sitting or walking, even driving when suddenly, I’m back in the past, revisiting an event I didn’t enjoy the first time around.

I hate flashbacks. I hate the emotions that come with them. I felt horrid during the initial encounter, whatever it was, and I don’t enjoy reliving everything from assaults, to bad days at work, to bullying. Any opportunity my brain has to make me relive misery, it takes.

Occasionally, I’m in the author. I create memories of things that never happened, and wild imaginings of bad times yet to come. Visions of death, injury, violence and destruction abound. I feel ridiculous when I pull myself out of these daymares, as emotionally wrecked as if the event in question had occurred.

Sometimes, however, I enjoy my brain’s creativity. I like it when I construct imaginary scenarios where I fight back, stand my ground, and put bullies and abusers in their place…”

the good in disaster films

“i love me a good disaster film. as far as i’m concerned, the greater the level of destruction, the better. i don’t want to see actual carnage. i have no interest in observing piles of mangled and devastated bodies. i’m okay with implication. long shots of waves wiping out whole populations or tornados ripping apart cities are best enjoyed when actual death is glossed over. i like to focus on the spectacle. i can’t enjoy them if i think too closely about what’s happening or see bodies lying around.”