"i get tired of all the navel-gazing i do, even if the part i’m analyzing is my brain and not my abdomen. which is not to say that i don’t spend a significant amount of time contemplating my abs..."
"i can’t think clearly over the pain. it occurred to me that i’ve been in this situation before. metaphorically as well as actually. i often have trouble thinking over the pain. after all, isn’t that really what my mood-altering behaviours are designed to do? they help me escape from the pain that i can’t function my way through."
"persist and resist...persist in our efforts to live well and resist those things that would drag us down. pretty much the perfect slogan for those of us slogging our way through recovery, be it from substances, behaviours, mental illnesses, or a combination thereof."
"it’s challenging when it feels like your brain is out of your control; when it persists in thinking thoughts you’d rather it didn’t...i have spent a significant quantity of time ranting and raving over my inability to shut down my brain and to deny these thoughts life. no matter the internal or external volume, repeatedly berating myself didn’t work. something new was needed..."
recovery is very much non-linear, and it persists in being so despite my wishing that it was otherwise. you work, you stumble, you relapse, you sink. you drop low, back down into the pit. what makes it recovery rather than just a fall is what happens next.