“i lost another tooth this week, and by “lost” i mean the dentist took it out and threw it away. there was too much eating disorder damage to repair.” Continue reading harmful behaviours are trying to sneak in through the back door
“the wheels keep turning and life moves on. time passes whether you want it to or not. there’s no pause button and there are no time-outs. it doesn’t matter if you’re living well or poorly, if you’re struggling or things are fine, the sun rises and sets regardless.” Continue reading the wheel keeps turning
“i’ve let things and people who are not me define me. i’ve let it happen for a long time. i took other people’s expectations of me and made them my own. at least, i took on what i thought their expectations were. i didn’t practice listening to myself. i didn’t learn how to be who i am. i wasn’t even sure how to figure that out.” Continue reading who gets to define us, anyway?
“people always say the hard times will pass. they tell you that the bad memories will fade. i can’t remember a time or a problem when someone didn’t offer up those expected words of wisdom: it will pass; time heals (if you let it); things change.” Continue reading it’ll pass
“i have been hanging out at a seventy percent mood for some time now and i’m pretty okay with that. i don’t wake up and embrace life, but i also don’t wake up and curse it. i fantasize about driving my car into k-rails less often. i’m starting to run out of shower gel again.” Continue reading i’m having a temporary glitch
“what if you always had to think about elephants? what if no matter what, your thoughts always circled back to them? what if you thought about elephants when you got up, and when you got dressed? what if they came with you to work?” Continue reading elephants and exercise
“there’s a poster taped to the mirror on my bedroom dresser that lists ten steps to take if your depression is acting up; things you can do to help fight the beast. number one is “are you hydrated?”… is water really such a curative? why were our ancestors so much better at getting enough? part of it is marketing, i’m sure. Continue reading hydration is an annoyingly universal fix
“i loaded up the car today with the bags and boxes of toys i no longer need to keep around now that the last of my little ones has turned eighteen. i probably could have culled the toys years ago but i’m the sentimental sort and hate to discard tangible reminders of days gone by.” Continue reading my heart broke a little today
recovery is very much non-linear, and it persists in being so despite my wishing that it was otherwise. you work, you stumble, you relapse, you sink. you drop low, back down into the pit. what makes it recovery rather than just a fall is what happens next. Continue reading the non-linear nature of recovery
the rules are inflexible and keep me focused on my eating disorder. they’re designed to keep you trapped. it’s really hard to have independent thoughts that do not, in some way, circle back around to my ED. that bitch follows me everywhere. she is determined and persistent. Continue reading my eating disorder rules, of which there are many
