recovery and growth, things that interest me, occasional deep-thoughts, and semi-regular poetry
I used to ask, “why me?” frequently. It seemed to me my lot in life was unfair. It seemed the amount of suffering I endured was disproportionately harsh compared to my peers. Of course, I didn’t stop to think that compared to others in this world, my life was relatively easy and trouble-free. Still, where we live is our reality; comparisons are pointless. So is asking “why me?”
Sometimes, days are hard. I thought that would change once I was an adult. I expected that at some point a magic switch would get thrown, my thinking would straighten out, my brain would work properly, I’d always know the right thing to do, and I’d feel good about myself. It was a shock to realize that wasn’t going to be the case. It was a shock to realize that your brain remains the same...
"Never underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep. If you suffer from mental illness, achieving that feels like winning a marathon. Sleep is one of the first things to go when it gets challenging on the mental health front. If you suffer from mental illness, even if you don’t, and you have a brain like mine, you’ll blame yourself for it. You’ll blame yourself for anything and everything, including insomnia..."
"The thing I hate most about my depression is that when it’s here, when it’s on the upswing and taking over, who I am disappears. I get lost amidst the blackness, drowned in the sorrow, burned up in the anger. All that is me starts to vanish and I’m terrified I’ll never get myself back..."
"I’m currently dealing with failure. It’s a failure that’s totally out of my control. Unfortunately, there are mitigating circumstances that were in my control, and I’m having a hard time not blaming myself for them. Blaming ourselves for our historical actions is problematic and pointless. We can’t change what’s already done. That doesn’t, however, erase the struggle..."
