abstinence does not make the thoughts grow kinder

“i have been what i call abstinent with my eating disorder for the last six months and by that i mean i have not thrown up. this is the longest i’ve gone without self-induced vomiting in twenty-seven years. there is a part of me that is amazed and grateful.”

i want to relapse so bad i can taste it

“i went to bed for two hours this afternoon because it was the only thing i could think of doing that would stop me from eating everything in the kitchen and then throwing up. the urge has been growing significantly this past week, infecting everything i do and everything i think.”