What do you call a writer who doesn’t write? In my case, you could call her a gardener. Except, I don’t do much gardening either. Bits and pieces here and there, which is most of my life these days. A bit of this, a bit of that. It’s not that I can’t stay on task – a common enough problem when my neuroses are acting up, so I forgive the assumption – it’s that I can’t decide on the tasks that need doing.
Pain is killing my ability to focus.
I’d go to the hospital, but I still feel that would be taking more than my fair share of air. I struggle to accept that my chronic deserves help. This is not aided by my GPs half-hearted efforts and mistakes. Were I a different kind of person, he’d be facing reprimands and lawsuits. Lucky for him, I like him as a human and hate to rock the boat. And what’s an incorrect medical test between friends?
So what if he thinks my legs collapsing out from under me is a feature of menopause?
I miss sleep. I miss not loading myself up on pain killers. Kind of. My neuroses enjoy the semi-sedation. What’s a little mood-altering between friends? I miss being interested in things other than my pain. I thought an eating disorder made me selfish: pain that rarely ends keeps you focused on yourself to an embarrassing degree, despite my efforts to attend to something else.
Pain and shame. Not the best game in the world.
I apologized to the cat about it this morning: like everyone else, she’s not been getting my best. It’s hard to care when the days turn into weeks turn into months and you still can’t sit or stand or lie down without twinges of misery (it’s a good thing I’m writing this in WordPress proper: Grammarly would’ve loathed that last sentence. I don’t think she’s down with verbal creativity).
On the bright side, I’m increasingly motivated to see what other people suggest. Someone has to have the fix. God helps those who help themselves, after all. Luckily and tragically, there are infinite articles about chronic pain.
The attached piece focuses on hip and pelvis pain. The suggested relief-providing actions are mostly excellent, though I bought myself a new mattress set only a couple of years back, so for me, replacing your mattress is a skip. I’d add “hot pad” to the list – it gives me definite relief on the achy bits. Cold will help too, especially with swelling, but I don’t like snuggling up to ice packs at bedtime.
“Seven ways to relieve hip pain at night,” by When Women Inspire.
Seven ways to potentially relieve hip pain at night, including doing gentle stretching, and common causes for the discomfort.7 ways to relieve hip pain at night — When Women Inspire