Time passes.

This is a rarity: I almost never write directly onto the platform. Doing so precludes the repeated editing and revising I like to undertake before ultimately binning my efforts. I’ve dissolved attempts a plenty this past week, including a whiny, self-indulgent rant about family – been there, done that – and a piece on the increase in my self-mutilating behaviour that was flip and shallow – it too got derezzed.

I started something on my history of obsessive movie watching that isn’t ready to go and I’m not happy with the piece about pain. The end result is an off-the-cuff blog entry.

The problem is I don’t spend much time writing. I don’t spend much time on any one thing. I flit around doing this and that. I accomplish a shocking amount by the end of the day if you exclude things I should focus on but I’m nowhere near linear.

I started to write about that too, about the fallout from discontinuing one of my medications at long last, the hated Latuda, and the corresponding rise of PTSD symptoms but where do you start? I struggle to separate and categorize my behaviours: which one goes with which neuroses again?

I started to write about a lot of things: about compliance; about pain; about my brain’s obsessive focus on illness and disease; about my ongoing battle with the backyard squirrels. I gave up on most of them: they were frankly awful. Although evaluating oneself on any metric when one is depressed is a bad idea.

Something else I should know.

On the bright side, it’s Saturday, which means no rules and no expectations. Saturday is my free day. No guilt whatever I choose (obviously, this does not mean acceding to neurotic demands). There might even be snow.


Do you have special Saturday plans or is it just another day?
Do you write in the Word Press platform or do you copy and paste?
Do you feel obligated to your blog to produce something when you’ve been absent for too long?

7 thoughts on “Time passes.

  1. I like how this post was about everything and nothing at the same time.
    The struggle is real. I understand. Sometimes just nothing feels right.

    Q&A:
    Do you have special Saturday plans or is it just another day? Since I work M-F full-time, Saturday is my chore day. It is probably one of my free-er days, though. If I don’t want to, I won’t do much. But then I feel guilty for having to cram everything into the next Saturday, so most of the time, I do take care of things.

    Do you write in the Word Press platform or do you copy and paste? I write in WP. It makes more sense, like Ashley mentioned, to keep WP things in WP. For years, I had my writing scattered all over. A year or two ago, I realized that I am unable to compile all of my writings, which saddened me. What if sometimes in the future I want to publish this one piece I wrote years ago? So, now I have folders on my computer for my prompt writing, and longer projects, and I’m trying to consolidate my hand-written notebooks, etc.

    Do you feel obligated to your blog to produce something when you’ve been absent for too long? Yes and no. No, because I know life goes on without me and I’m not the focal point of other people’s lives. They will survive without a post from me. Yes, because I’m a somewhat systematic poster, and some people do worry when they don’t hear from me. That’s just a decent thing to do on my end – to let people know I’m alive. The most guilt I feel is towards myself. I like writing. I want to write. I want to be better. Do better. So, when I don’t, it feels like I’m throwing my life away. Yes, I know it sounds extreme, and I do exaggerate a bit, but not a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I remember Saturday as a chore day – afternoons. Mornings were kids and soccer. I think the house was cleaner when I had that structure 😁

    It’s nice to have things consolidated. It’s why I didn’t move to Google Docs. I tried, but everything is in one place. So then I’d copy and transfer back to my Word folders anyhow.

    Shows what you know – I get antsy if I’m supposed to hear from you and haven’t and I bet I’m not the only one who looks forward to your posts. And yes, I totally relate to the “I’m throwing my life away because I’m not pushing myself to do better at the thing I love” feeling. ☺️

    Like

  3. I hand-write an outline in a notebook in pencil. Then I type it into WordPress. I probably should type it up somewhere else first because I’ve had save scares in the past, but I just can’t seem to break the habit. It’s become routine.

    Liked by 1 person

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