time lags with depression

The thing I hate about my depression is the way time slows down to a crawl. My sleep is an interrupted mess, but I still dread the last awakening, knowing it means I’ll have to get up. That I’ll have to face all those hours that exist between now and when I crawl into bed again. The days get very long. They’d likely feel shorter if I was doing; unfortunately, doing becomes extremely challenging when depression is acting up. The only actions I lean into with alacrity are harmful. Your brain tries to get you to abandon the good things by the wayside...

making chili, an exercise in recovery

I made a vegetarian chili this weekend. I’m not sure how much actual cooking was involved. It was mostly opening cans and dumping them in a crock pot. True, I chopped up the onions and celery and added the spices. Perhaps I’ll call it “cooking-light”. Still, it’s a step in the right direction, a step away from the way I currently eat. Learning to eat in recovery is hard. An eating disorder takes away your ability to interact with food in a “normal” way. Food is either good or bad. Good food is low calorie and a high water content. Bad food is everything else...

why not me?

I used to ask, “why me?” frequently. It seemed to me my lot in life was unfair. It seemed the amount of suffering I endured was disproportionately harsh compared to my peers. Of course, I didn’t stop to think that compared to others in this world, my life was relatively easy and trouble-free. Still, where we live is our reality; comparisons are pointless. So is asking “why me?”