Peanut butter and banana sandwiches

"I eat a lot of peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Nearly every day for lunch, in fact, and that bothers me some. I worry over whether it’s compulsive. Eating’s difficult when you’re recovering from an eating disorder. It’s not easy or natural for me yet. Preparing and eating a meal at mealtime takes thought. Not restricting is a challenge – if a bagel would be good, perhaps half a bagel with no butter would be better. I have those conversations with my food choices quite regularly..."

February 18, 2019 2

you exist, even when you’re depressed

"The thing I hate most about my depression is that when it’s here, when it’s on the upswing and taking over, who I am disappears. I get lost amidst the blackness, drowned in the sorrow, burned up in the anger. All that is me starts to vanish and I’m terrified I’ll never get myself back..."

February 15, 2019 1

it’s what you choose that matters

"I’m not going to attend a memorial today. There are reasons I should. It’s for an old friend of the family. It's being held at my parents’ home. Attending memorials when asked is something you’re supposed to do. Except I don’t want to go. I have no concrete reason beyond that, no well-articulated argument to justify my absence. I simply lack the desire to attend..."

February 12, 2019 3

dealing with failure

"I’m currently dealing with failure. It’s a failure that’s totally out of my control. Unfortunately, there are mitigating circumstances that were in my control, and I’m having a hard time not blaming myself for them. Blaming ourselves for our historical actions is problematic and pointless. We can’t change what’s already done. That doesn’t, however, erase the struggle..."