Sometimes, days are hard. I thought that would change once I was an adult. I expected that at some point a magic switch would get thrown, my thinking would straighten out, my brain would work properly, I’d always know the right thing to do, and I’d feel good about myself. It was a shock to realize that wasn’t going to be the case. It was a shock to realize that your brain remains the same...
"“It doesn’t matter what the external things is, the value we place on it subjugates us to another…where our heart is set, there our impediment lies.” - Epictetus “When it comes to your goals and the things you strive for, ask yourself: Am I in control of them or they in control of me?” I have a journal with writing prompts that I try to get to every day. It’s not to be confused with my regular journal, or the gratitude journal that sits beside my bed. In my quest for mental stability and calmness, I do a lot of writing..."
"Never underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep. If you suffer from mental illness, achieving that feels like winning a marathon. Sleep is one of the first things to go when it gets challenging on the mental health front. If you suffer from mental illness, even if you don’t, and you have a brain like mine, you’ll blame yourself for it. You’ll blame yourself for anything and everything, including insomnia..."
"...I’m pretty good at dealing with discomfort from morning until dinnertime. It’s the evening hours that lead to struggle. That’s when thoughts I’d rather not be thinking crawl out from the corners of my brain. That’s when negative impulses start to push hard against efforts to resist them. That’s when anxiety likes to kick it up a notch..."
"I eat a lot of peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Nearly every day for lunch, in fact, and that bothers me some. I worry over whether it’s compulsive. Eating’s difficult when you’re recovering from an eating disorder. It’s not easy or natural for me yet. Preparing and eating a meal at mealtime takes thought. Not restricting is a challenge – if a bagel would be good, perhaps half a bagel with no butter would be better. I have those conversations with my food choices quite regularly..."
"The thing I hate most about my depression is that when it’s here, when it’s on the upswing and taking over, who I am disappears. I get lost amidst the blackness, drowned in the sorrow, burned up in the anger. All that is me starts to vanish and I’m terrified I’ll never get myself back..."
"I’m not going to attend a memorial today. There are reasons I should. It’s for an old friend of the family. It's being held at my parents’ home. Attending memorials when asked is something you’re supposed to do. Except I don’t want to go. I have no concrete reason beyond that, no well-articulated argument to justify my absence. I simply lack the desire to attend..."