"I had a shower today and it felt pretty good. I’d forgotten I like them; it’s been six days since I showered, a fact I attribute to my obvious laziness. I’m incredibly lazy at times, especially of late."
"...I had a thought recently about expectations. I had a thought that maybe a lot of us have a problem with them. I thought that maybe expectations do us harm..."
"Eating disorders are hell and they are full-time. They don’t take days off. They don’t give you a break. They’re always there, lurking, talking to you, telling you how awful you are, how much of a failure. How you have nothing to offer because you aren’t perfect yet. You aren’t thin enough..."
“As a twig is bent, so grows the tree.” Thanks to Alexander Pope for that truth, but as it stands, it’s incomplete. Sometimes, the bend is not due to external forces. Sometimes, we shape ourselves. We prune, and we do it badly..."
"...I’m not ready to change, my eating disorder tells me. I’m not perfect yet. My depression concurs since it’s decided to act up too, and where my depression goes, my anxiety follows. So, basically, I’m a big ball of triggered with the potential for some self-harm thrown in. December is hard..."
"What do you want? That’s a horrifying question. When someone asks me that, I turn into something that resembles a deer in headlights. I have no idea what to say. I prefer other questions, easier ones, like “what’s the meaning of life?”
"When trying to change a behaviour, it can be helpful to write a pro and con list. I plan to change things up in my life over the next little bit and my diet is an excellent place to start..."