"I don’t want to get better. I want to be better. I’m tired. Mental health struggles are tiring. Depression is tiring. Anxiety is tiring. An eating disorder is tiring. They’re boring too. They bore me..."
"on this dark and quiet night, my only companion is the flicker of the dashboard lights. my thoughts are at rest, i am steeped in rote as i retrace the well-known path toward home..."
"For me, the fall into depression is not a smooth ride down a slide. Instead, it’s like tumbling down a long staircase with the concomitant bumps and bruises one would expect from such a fall, with brief stops at landings prior to reaching the bottom – except, of course, you never reach the bottom. The pit is infinitely deep, and the stairs go on forever..."
"I want to be stalwart. It seems like a good quality to have. I’ve got the fiercely loyal part down. If we’re friends, I’m team you all the way, at least in my thoughts. Out in the world, it’s sometimes different..."
"...Sometimes I feel that way in recovery. Sometimes I feel as trapped as I was before I started doing all the things one needs to do to get better. Recovery, in a way, is proving almost as problematic as the mental illnesses I’m seeking relief from..."