why it’s hard to be kind

"one of the most profound lessons i learned from my last stint at rehab came from a weekly group exercise we did. we were given a typewritten list of personal qualities with space beside each for checkmarks. some of the traits were good, some not so good. trustworthy or hostile. open or closed off. accepting or judgmental. you get the idea."

my eating disorder – trigger warning

"I remember the moment my eating disorder took over vividly. I was insecure and self-conscious about myself even as a very young girl. I desperately wanted to fit in, to be popular, to be beautiful, and to be confident. To be “normal”. I desperately needed approval from my peers and from adults; i needed someone to tell me that i was okay because inside, for as long as i can remember, i have felt anything but. I have always felt less than, inadequate, inferior, and not enough."

random acts of kindness

"i think people undervalue kindness. it’s a characteristic i try to hold front and centre, even when i get cut off in traffic by people who are oblivious to the location and function of the turn signal. in part, being kind is a little selfish; i get guilt when i’m unkind and since i hate feeling that way, i take the necessary steps to avoid doing so."

permanently disabled

"i haven’t been sleeping well of late. it’s an occupational hazard when you have depression; insomnia likes to pop in for a visit from time to time. i head to bed early enough but stay awake ‘til after midnight and sleep fitfully, waking for the final time between four and five in the morning. those are ugly hours; almost nothing good happens then."

the wrong lesson

"     i feel calm this morning, at least i did when i woke up, which is a nice change. the raging noise and pressure that is neither noise nor pressure that fills my brain most of the time had eased. my anxiety was asleep. it would be tempting to decide that the things i did yesterday led to this desired state but to choose to pursue those behaviours and actions wholeheartedly would be a bad call."

attempting suicide fundamentally changes you – reblog

"today is World Suicide Prevention Day. I decided to re-post a blog i did that discusses my own attempts and some of the consequences that resulted.  we can never know anyone else, not really, not what they're thinking or feeling or planning. the best we can do is be there for others. be open, be accessible, be non-judgmental, be kind."