"i’ve let things and people who are not me define me. i’ve let it happen for a long time. i took other people’s expectations of me and made them my own. at least, i took on what i thought their expectations were. i didn’t practice listening to myself. i didn’t learn how to be who i am. i wasn’t even sure how to figure that out."
"i have been what i call abstinent with my eating disorder for the last six months and by that i mean i have not thrown up. this is the longest i’ve gone without self-induced vomiting in twenty-seven years. there is a part of me that is amazed and grateful."
"i’m stuck. i’m not falling backwards to any great degree but i’m not moving forward either. i’ve landed in this space i call “not too bad” and i’m terrified to push beyond it."
"people always say the hard times will pass. they tell you that the bad memories will fade. i can’t remember a time or a problem when someone didn’t offer up those expected words of wisdom: it will pass; time heals (if you let it); things change."
"i went to bed for two hours this afternoon because it was the only thing i could think of doing that would stop me from eating everything in the kitchen and then throwing up. the urge has been growing significantly this past week, infecting everything i do and everything i think."