it’s hard to think clearly over the pain

"i can’t think clearly over the pain. it occurred to me that i’ve been in this situation before. metaphorically as well as actually. i often have trouble thinking over the pain. after all, isn’t that really what my mood-altering behaviours are designed to do? they help me escape from the pain that i can’t function my way through."

who gets to define us, anyway?

"i’ve let things and people who are not me define me. i’ve let it happen for a long time. i took other people’s expectations of me and made them my own. at least, i took on what i thought their expectations were. i didn’t practice listening to myself. i didn’t learn how to be who i am. i wasn’t even sure how to figure that out."