"it feels like i have been searching for peace and contentment forever. i don’t look for happiness - if it comes, it comes - but simply ease. ease from the depression and anxiety that have plagued me for most of my life."
"there’s a poster taped to the mirror on my bedroom dresser that lists ten steps to take if your depression is acting up; things you can do to help fight the beast. number one is “are you hydrated?”... is water really such a curative? why were our ancestors so much better at getting enough? part of it is marketing, i’m sure.
the behavioural impulses associated with my mental illnesses are at best, ones i’ll ultimately regret, and at worst, ones that are harmful. i fight against the negative urges, hate myself for having them, and give in more than i’d like but i don’t think about them at a level above stubborn resistance very often. why …
"i loaded up the car today with the bags and boxes of toys i no longer need to keep around now that the last of my little ones has turned eighteen. i probably could have culled the toys years ago but i’m the sentimental sort and hate to discard tangible reminders of days gone by."
"i write about self-care a lot and think about it even more but my execution of the same is still intermittent and challenging, which i suppose is why it remains on my mind."
"from a journal after a hard day: “my eating disorder makes me angry, mean, full of sharp edges, wholly self-centered, and judgmental as hell.” i suppose this is true for almost everyone who struggles; i know it’s true for me. catch me around a binge; i’m not a pleasant person to encounter. i’m angry and short-tempered, and i lash out in an effort to mitigate my guilt and self-hatred. i want people to hurt when i hurt. i want someone to blame."
"persist and resist...persist in our efforts to live well and resist those things that would drag us down. pretty much the perfect slogan for those of us slogging our way through recovery, be it from substances, behaviours, mental illnesses, or a combination thereof."